Outtaverse part 1 : Busy incubus
by Madcap13
Summary: Outtaverse part 1 : Busy incubus. First episode of the "Out of character universe". In todays episode, Faith haunts Buffy and Harmony kidnaps Dawn again.
1. Recipe for disaster

Outtaverse part 1: Busy incubus.

Summary: Welcome, one and all, to my little series of BTVS fanfiction which I call "The Outtaverse.", which is short for the "Out of character universe."

Within, you will find the most flagrant artistic license I can hope to write. It's not like the characters get sex changes or start pushing drugs or start having group sex .. or maybe they do. We'll just have to see.

The first episode of the outtaverse replaces "The replacement" in season five of BTVS. So for time line, check with that.

Also, don't expect too much redux in later episodes or even this episode. The outtaverse's timeline gets pretty divergent.

Disclamier : It's not like I own anyone or anything here.

Distribution : Just ask me first, please. I'll probably say yes.

Feedback : Give it to me hard. You know how I like it.

Warning : Occasional swearing, sex, voilence, disturbing situations. Sorta like the show.

-----------------------

-----------------------

-----------------------

"You can yell if you want." Harmony said proudly, "I'm pretty sure all these boxes will drown out your screams."

Dawn didn't say anything.

"There. You're as snug as a bug in a rug." Harmony said, standing back to admire her handiwork with duct tape.

"So why did you kidnap me this time?" Dawn asked from where she was duct taped into a strangely victorian hardwood chair. It didn't fit the rest of te warehouse which was filled high with cardboard boxes.

"Uh. Same reason as last time."

"Oh but aren't we forgetting something?"

" Of course not." Harmony practically growled back then frowned, "What am I forgetting?"

"You don't have any minions to fight Buffy."

Harmony stamped her foot, "It's always something!"

Dawn sighed, "See. What would you do without me?"

"Okay. So I go out and get some minions." Harmony told herself than gasped, "Oops."

"Oops?" Dawn asked her, "There's more oops?"

"Yeah."

Dawn thought about it in the silence of Harmony.

"Okay. What's the oops?" Dawn asked.

"I forgot the note."

Dawn blinked, "You forgot to throw a note in Buffy's window?"

"Yeah."

"But that's good." Dawn explained, "If you gave them a note telling them where you are then Buffy would already be here killing you."

"Hey yeah. It's a good thing I didn't do that then." Harmony said, pleased with herself.

Time passed.

"Well." Dawn prompted her.

"Well, what?"

"Aren't you going to get minions?"

"But it's day out."

"That didn't stop you kidnapping me from school!"

"But the day time was the only time I could kidnap you. You're always locked inside during the night."

"How would you know?"

Harmony knelt down and pulled a pair of binoculars from a bag on the floor, "I've been sneaky."

"You were spying on me?"

"Not just you. Buffy too and Spike a little."

"Why Spike?"

Harmony couldn't help but smile, "It was fun."

Dawn frowned in thought. She was only fifteen but this was a particularly dumb vampire. There had to be a way out of this. There had to be something around here to help her. If she could get five minutes alone, she could probably get out of this duct tape too.

"What's in the boxes?" Dawn asked Harmony.

"Hmm?"

"The boxes. What's in them."

"Oh, I don't know."

"Why don't you check?"

"I don't want to."

"But it could be something important like... clothes."

"You think?" Harmony asked, quickly pulling from the middle of a stack of boxes. Dawn thought there would be an avalanche but instead, all the boxes above it just slid down in it's place.

Harmony ripped open the box like a Christmas present and frowned.

"I'm confused."

Dawn smiled, "You should be used to that by now."

"Oh, I am. But I've got a good reason this time."

"What in the box?"

Harmony pulled a packaged block of chocolate out of the box, "What are boxes and boxes of chocolate doing in an abandoned warehouse?"

Dawn blinked in surprise. Because it was a surprise.

"Chocolate?" Dawn asked, "Wow. As far as lairs go, this one's got my vote."

Dawn thought about how this could help her but was only coming up with one conclusion.

"Can I have some?" She asked.

Harmony looked at her slowly then down at the chocolate bar.

"Sure." she said, happily.

Harmony straddled Dawn's legs on the chair, facing towards her in an uncomfortably intimate gesture. Harmony didn't seem to notice though. Breaking off a piece of chocolate she gently placed it in Dawn's mouth.

Having little else to do, Dawn obediently ate the chocolate. It wasn't bad but the whole situation was starting to ruin it.

"Is it good?" Harmony asked, watching Dawn eat with a morbid fascination.

"Why don't you try it?" Dawn mumbled with a mouth full of chocolate.

Harmony shrugged, broke off a piece of chocolate and popped it in her own mouth.

"Mmm. This ain't bad." Harmony admitted, "Want some more?"

Dawn nodded and Harmony set up the routine of eating a row for every row Dawn ate.

Feeling in a good mood, Harmony started getting chatty.

"You know, you're way cuter than your sister."

Dawn blinked, "Mff-Really?"

Harmony nodded slowly, "Mm-hmm. You've got such pretty eyes, such full lips. I'm actually envious."

"But I've got a big nose." Dawn mumbled, "Buffy used to call me big nose."

"It's cute actually." Harmony murmured as she pushed back Dawn's head and leant towards her to take one long slow lick on one side of her neck.

"Nuh-No!" Dawn squealed, "Wait. I don't want to be a vampire!"

"But I've got to get minions from somewhere." Harmony explained as she wrapped her mouth over her neck.

Dawn expected it to hurt but for some reason Harmony wasn't using her fangs just yet. Instead, she was kissing Dawn's neck, playing with her food.

"What are you doing?" Dawn asked in revulsion.

Harmony stopped to explain, "Before turning someone it helps if you get them in the mood."

"But I don't like girls. Stop it." Dawn pleaded.

Harmony's face scrunched up in confusion as she backed up and off Dawn.

"I-I'm sorry." Harmony told her, "Ever since I became a vampire, you're the only real person I've ever really felt connected to. You're the only one who's ever listened to me."

"I don't want to be turned." Dawn told her, hoping Harmony wouldn't force the issue.

Harmony held her head as if it was heavy, "Oh god. What was I doing?"

Dawn watched as Harmony battled with some inner turmoil until Harmony fixed her sights back on her.

The look in her eyes was kind of crazy and Dawn didn't know what she would do.

"I'm sorry." Harmony told her and Dawn expected violence to come next, so she closed her eyes shut and waited for the end.

The last thing she expected was for Harmony to cut the duct tape off which kept her seated.

Dawn blinked her eyes open and experimentally stood up free.

"I'm so sorry." Harmony said again, staring at the floor, "I-I've never done anything like that before. It's just..."

Dawn assessed the situation.

She was free, her vampire captive was looking away, it was day outside and the door was less than a stones throw away. It was even open. Logically, she should have ran for it. That would have been the sensible thing.

Instead, she turned to Harmony and asked her, "Are you okay?"

Harmony rushed towards her with inhuman speed and hugged her, crying into her shoulder, "I'm just so lonely."

Dawn gasped for air for a second as she patted Harmony on the back, "It'll be okay. Just - just let it out."

-----

Later that day.

Buffy picked up the phone before the first ring had even finished.

"Dawn? Is that you?"

"Hi Buffy." Dawn chirped in from the other line, "I'm so glad that Mom didn't pick up."

"Dawn?" Buffy said, then hissed quieter, "Dawn! Mom is freaking. Why did you skip out in the middle of school?"

"I've got a good excuse. Do you remember how last week, how I got kidnapped by Harmony?"

"Yeah." Buffy said oh-so-slowly, not liking where this was going.

'I, uh, kinda got kidnapped by her again." Dawn said, guiltily.

The line went quiet.

"Are you a vampire?" Buffy asked in all seriousness.

"No! Why would I call you if I was?! I'd be over at our house biting you in your stupid big fat ass."

"Dawn. How did Harmony kidnap you in the middle of the day? Did your class take a field trip to the cemetery?"

"She did it with a van and a few blankets. Just like how Spike runs around in the day, catching on fire all the time."

There was a slight pause then Buffy asked gleefully, "Did she catch on fire?"

"No." Dawn replied, just as disappointed as Buffy.

Buffy sighed, "Dawn. How are we going to explain this to Mom? You can't just go around getting kidnapped. I thought you would have learnt your lesson the first time."

"That's right, Buffy. I got kidnapped on purpose. It's a cry for attention."

"Why don't you just walk home? Did she take you to LA or something?"

Dawn sighed, "No. It's just a little complicated."

"Complicated how?"

"Harmony's here."

"Harmony's there? As in, you're still held captive?"

"No. She let me go." Dawn said happily, "She even borrowed me her cell phone to call you."

"Really?"

"Yup. I'm standing in the middle of a sun filled street right now."

"Harmony has a cell phone?"

"Yes. She has a cellphone."

Buffy huffed angrily, "Fine. Where are you?"

-----

A good fifteen minutes later, Giles pulled up to the curb in his big, red mid-life crisis and got out, slamming the door shut as he did.

He walked over to where Buffy and Dawn were standing, "Well?"

"She's in there." Buffy told him, nudging her head towards the open doorway.

"How many are there?" Giles asked her.

"Just Harmony." Buffy said grimly.

Giles frowned, "Is there some aspect of this situation I'm not grasping? Why don't you just go in there and stake her."

"I can't stake her. Not when she's like that." Buffy told him, "You think I like this? Vampires normally make it so easily. They're evil, they act evil, I'm the slayer and I slay them. I've never had this problem before. Except if you count that time when Angel was evil and I had problems staking him.. and Spike when he got chipped. I really hope this doesn't become a regular thing. I might start getting performance anxiety."

Giles's brow furrowed more, "What?"

Buffy sighed, "Hey. Why don't you just go in there and talk to her. Then you'll see."

Giles shrugged, pulled out a stake from inside his jacket and walked into the warehouse.

As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he noticed that the inside of this warehouse seemed very familiar.

"Who are you?" Harmony asked him.

Giles wasn't sure what he should do. His duty would be to walk over there and stake her but it just seemed so wrong somehow. She had been crying. Her eyes were red and her mouth was covered in chocolate.

"Uh, Hello. I'm Rupert Giles." he introduced himself.

Harmony blinked in suprise, "Hey. You were the librarian at my school."

"Why, yes. Uh, What seems to be the problem?"

Harmony gave him a distraught look.

"Where to start? Look at me. I'm disgusting." she sobbed, "These clothes are two years out of fashion."

"And you're eating chocolate."

"This is going to go straight to my hips." Harmony said miserably, taking a bite down on a new chocolate bar.

Giles looked closer at the chocolate, then looked around the warehouse as a light went off in his head.

-----

Giles walked outside to find Dawn and Buffy arguing about something but they stopped when they saw him.

"Well?" Buffy asked him, "Did you do it?"

Instead of an answer, he held up a bar of chocolate and wore a genuine smile on his face, "Does this look familiar?"

Buffy gasped, "That's the evil band candy."

Dawn laughed, "Evil candy. That's so dumb."

Buffy frowned, "Yes, Dawnie. It is dumb. Hey! This was where they were making it. They were.. Oh, you've got to be kidding."

Buffy's face grew a smile similar to Giles own while Dawn just frowned and said "What? I don't get it."

"You remember when Mom was acting a little different than usual?" Buffy asked her.

Dawn squinted, "Different how?"

"She was wearing that feather boa and wearing my clothes. Remember?"

Dawn shook her head.

Buffy groaned, "Okay. I'll explain it to you nice and simple. The band candy is a mind altering substance."

"WHAT!?" Dawn yelled, "I ate some of that! What does it do? Am I going to wear your clothes too? Oh wait. I already do that."

"You have nothing to worry about." Giles told her in what he hoped was a soothing voice, "It only effects adults."

"I'm very mature for my age." Dawn said, worried then blinked "Only adults? So when Buffy gave mom some. She was in fact drugging her?"

Buffy groaned and Giles nodded.

"But when I eat some, it does nothing to me?" Dawn asked, just to be clear.

Giles nodded some more.

"So what does it do?" Dawn asked, always full of questions.

"It reverts someone's mentality back to their teens." Giles explained, "And it seems to have had an unusual effect on Harmony."

"You mean like how she's all broody?" Dawn asked him, "Like Angel?"

Giles was about to say something but Buffy cut him off, "She is NOT like Angel! It's just the chocolate that's doing it. Once she stops eating she'll be back to her evil ways."

"What if she doesn't stop eating the chocolate?" Dawn asked her sister, in challenge, "Then she would be."

Buffy crossed her arms, "Dawn. It's not like she's got a lifetime supply of the stuff."

Giles hemmed, "Buffy. You do know that all of those boxes in that warehouse are full of chocolate, don't you?"

Buffy blinked, "All of them? Really? But there's.."

"A lifetime's supply?" Dawn laughed.

Buffy and Giles looked at another, both smiling the same smiles they were smiling before hand.

"I've thought of a really cunning idea." Giles told her.

"So cunning you can stick a tail on it and call it a weasel?" Buffy asked him, "I think I've thought up the same one."

"Really?"

"Yeah. We stick the chocolate in the water supply and.." Buffy stopped mid-sentence and turned to Giles again, "Okay. What was your plan?"

-----

Buffy walks into Willy's bar.

"Whoa. Hold on there." Buffy told the vampire as she cut him off from the sewer entrance.

"Hey. I didn't do it." The vampire said, holding his hand in front of him defensively.

"Didn't do what?" Buffy asked him.

"I don't know but I didn't do it."

"Slayer!" Willy yelled from the bar, "What are you doing in my bar, harassing my only customer?"

Buffy ignored him and pulled out a block of chocolate and a stake, which both confused and terrified the vampire at the same time.

"Okay. Here's the dealio." Buffy told him, "You can either A: Get staked or B: Eat chocolate. Which is it?"

The vampire blinked, "B. That's chocolate. Isn't it?"

Buffy nodded happily and gave him the chocolate, which the vampire dutifully ate.

He seemed surprised at it's taste, "Hey. That's not bad."

Buffy watched him, looking for any distinct changes in manner. Instead he just asked her in a slightly more childlike manner "Can I go now?"

"Sure." Buffy told him, oh so cheerfully.

The vampire hopped into the sewer entrance and Willy asked her "What was that about?"

Buffy ignored him still and walked out of the bar.

-----

The bar of chocolate, that Buffy held, swam in front of Spike's face as she played airplane with it as if he was a toddler. He half expected her to tell him to open the bomb bay doors. If he didn't have this chip in his head, he'd really show her how he'd open the bloody bomb bay doors.

Spike shook his head, "I'm not eating it until you tell me why you want me to eat it."

"I'm not gonna tell you why I want you to eat it until you eat it." Buffy countered, "Now eat it or I stake you."

"Buffy!" Joyce scolded her.

"Mom. He's not eating it." Buffy whined, "He's provoking me."

In the Summer's household, almost everyone who Buffy considered important in Sunnydale was there and also there was Spike and Harmony. Joyce was confused at first as to why Buffy was inviting a vampire in but Harmony seemed civil enough. She didn't know that Willow had brought along the utilities for a de-invite for when Harmony left.

"Giles. You are a genius." Willow told him.

"I really can't take all the credit here." Giles said humbly, "As usual, Ethan Rayne is to blame."

"Excuse me if I'm skeptical here." Xander said, eyeing Harmony from where she was sitting, "But how are we going to get vampires who don't eat things like chocolate to eat chocolate."

"I was thinking the same thing." Anya said as she played with the sling that one of Harmony's goons had put her arm in.

"Vampires don't just drink blood." Spike told him, holding up the cup of tea he was holding, "Case in point. Plenty of vampires eat junk food. Usually the young ones. I try not to because it still causes cavities even if you're dead."

"How long does it last for?" Riley asked.

Giles looked at him, "I, uh, I'm not sure. For me the change was so gradual I didn't notice it. I wasn't quite back to myself for a good full day after I stopped eating the chocolate Xander hawked off on me."

From outside, the sounds of yelling erupted, followed by the pitter-patter of silenced bursts of gunfire.

"Down!" Riley yelled, pulling Joyce down in time to have a spray of bullets fly into the living room, luckily avoiding everyone.

Now everyone else dove for cover, except Harmony who for once, didn't follow the crowd.

From his space on the floor, Giles pulled her down from the couch to fall on Xander.

"Oof! Harmony. Get off me." Xander yelled as other some other people were crawling towards the weapons locker.

Riley and Buffy however had made their way to the door. Riley with a small matte black metal crossbow he was hiding somewhere on his body and Buffy with a larger two handed version that she had the good sense to hide under the couch incase of emergencies.

They took up position on both sides of the front door. Riley reached over to the handle and loosened it open slowly while Buffy hung back, getting a better position as the door opened her way.

Outside, there were four people. Two of them had submachine guns propped up against their shoulders and were on one knee in a firing stance that had been around since muskets came out. The other two were making their way towards the house. One dragging the other which seemed to lack the ability to walk properly.

"Back! Back, you sods." the stumbling one went, with a big wooden cross in his hand pointed towards the vampires like a gun, "You'll get yours."

Buffy sighed as she recognized them as the wet works team the council sent to handle Faith, except for the one that was being half dragged. He was much older with a shock of grey hair under his bowler hat.

"Don't shoot them. They're just watchers. Let them in." Buffy told Riley.

The two shooting watchers stopped shooting into the night and followed the other two in the house.

Inside the house, they visibly relaxed and took deep breaths as if they had just run a sprint.

"Miss Summers." one of the watchers said, in between pants, "You should know that there are vampires out there."

Buffy tilted her head, unimpressed at the observation.

"This must be their first time in Sunnydale." Xander said from the floor, "And get the hell off me, Harmony! Of all the people to lie on, why me?"

Everyone finally got up from the floor, realizing that there wasn't going to be any more shooting tonight. Although, some of them decided to keep their hastily drawn weapons handy.

Buffy looked the sorry lot over.

"Oh. I remember you guys. You're the one who spat on me. You're the one who tried to stab me with a needle and you're the one who shot at me. But I don't know you."

Her last comment was pointed at the oldest watcher who had a cane in one hand and in his other white knuckled hand he held a small cross.

"You mean that business Faith was going on about, how she was actually you. That was real?" Smitty, one of the watcher's goon squad asked.

"Yes! God, Giles, is everyone else in England this stupid? They're incompetent. They don't even remember trying to kill me."

Joyce walked up to them for an explanation, "Why would you dream of hurting Buffy?"

"Mom." Buffy stood in front of her mother, "It was when Faith swapped bodies with me. You remember that, don't you?"

"Oh." her mother quieted down, "But still. That would mean they tried to kill Faith. I can't condone that."

"Neither can I." Buffy agreed. turning to the watchers, "I guess I owe you guys some quality pain. Not only for that but for shooting up our living room!"

Weatherby, one of the guns for hire, had enough of this Buffy's attitude, "Now see here, girl. We aren't the slayer. Unlike you, we need an advantage to fight the supernatural."

Buffy laughed in his face, "So that's why the council never issued me with an equalizer? It's like they don't care whether I live or die. Oh wait. That's not it. It's because guns don't kill to vampires. You idiots! You'll just hurt yourself or someone else."

The clean-up crew didn't have a good comeback for this but the unknown fourth watcher interrupted the shame session, "Miss Summers. It's regretful that we should meet under these circumstances but we are here on important council business."

"Oh yeah. That just makes everything all right. Doesn't it?"

"Buffy." Giles said, putting a hand on her shoulder, "Perhaps we should find out whey they are here and then you can go back to berating them."

Buffy seemed disappointed at the lack of support but gave in to logic, "Okay. Watchery types. Spill."

The older watcher got up and rested on his cane, "Perhaps we could discuss this somewhere private?"

"Anything you can say to me. You can say to my friends." Buffy told him sternly.

Harmony perked up, "I'm your friend? Cool."

Everyone just ignored her.

"It concerns the slayer called Faith." the watcher told her, in obvious uncomfort, "Before we start, could I have a glass of water? My throat is parched."

"Tea?" Joyce offered.

"That would be splendid." he replied with a pleasant smile.

"Would a beer be out of the question?" another watcher asked, one Buffy remembered was called Smitty.

"Yes. It would be." Joyce said coldly.

Lowering his eyes, he said "Tea will be fine."

"And you two?" Joyce asked them.

"Tea." said one, while the other said "Nothing, thanks."

As Joyce went off to the kitchen to make fresh Tea, Giles remarked to the unknown older watcher "You're Kinsley. Aren't you?"

"Why yes. I believe so." he said with a grin, releasing the cross around his neck to hold his hand out for Giles to shake, "You must be Rupert Giles. You know, your father and I used to be good friends at one time."

Giles took his hand and relinquished his lazy boy for the old man to sit in, "I remember."

"Thank you. These old bones, oh, when you get my age-"

"Excuse me." Buffy interrupted the old man, "You were saying something about Faith?"

"Oh yes. I'm sorry." he told her, "I guess I should start with why I am here. In the council, I am what is known as a tracker. With various spells and so forth, I track the energies of the slayers. I was helping the council teams to track Faith as she wormed her way across America for several months until last November when her signal abruptly stopped."

The room went quiet and Buffy's face went white.

"She's dead." Buffy said, more to herself than anyone else then asked "Why did you wait until now to tell me?!"

"You didn't need to know." The Smitty told her.

"Hey. She might hold the record for trying to kill me the most times but I'd still like to know what happens to her."

Spike hemmed for Buffy's attention, "Actually I think I hold that record."

Buffy frowned, counted on her hands a few times and shook her head, "Sorry, Spike. Not if I count the times Faith tried to kill me when she was good too."

"Spike." Kinsley tested the name, "Did you know there was a vampire in Sunnydale called Spike, not so long ago?"

"Is that so?" Spike asked, "Nice guy?"

Kinsley looked at him oddly, "You did hear the part where I said he was a vampire, did you not?"

At that time, Joyce came back in with three cups of tea, which the watchers received and muttered thanks to her.

"As I was saying." Kinsley said, having wetted his palate, "We thought Faith had passed on but now we are not so sure. After one slayer dies, another is called. But after Faith, there was no new slayer. That was until we detected two Slayers in Sunnydale. We haven't had much practice with discerning between two slayers. It was a simple mistake to make."

"So there's another slayer in Sunnydale?" Dawn asked, "Cool. She probably even goes to my school."

"We do not believe so." Kinsley told them, "In fact, we believe that Faith has somehow managed to evade our attempts to find her using magic. She disappeared off our radar long before we arrived here. I don't know how she came to possess such knowledge. We definitely would not teach her it."

Tara spoke up, "Th-that shouldn't be so hard. I think Giles has trinkets that can do that in his magic store."

Kinsley's mouth fell open, "Magic store?"

Giles nodded, "Since the council isn't supporting me anymore, I've chosen to support myself with retail. We even have a training room for Buffy in the back of the premises."

"Rupert Giles." Kinsley's said in that tone parents reserved for naughty children, "You should know better than to give your charge access to such magics."

"Hello. I'm standing right here. Besides, my mother raised me better than to play with magic." Buffy told him then turned to Joyce who patted her on the head.

"That's what her friends are for." Spike falsely defended her.

Xander seemed to be taking this seriously, "Let's get this straight. You think Faith is in Sunnydale and you didn't think to call us first?"

"It does seem an oversight on their part." Giles admitted, "Buffy. You can dig into them again now."

Buffy's anger had cooled but she gave it a token effort. "You, uh. One of you shot out that window. We only just replaced it. Not only that but you could've shot us."

"The council will compensate you for that." Kinsley said haughtily.

Buffy looked slightly surprised, "Really? That would be a first?"

"It was us who did it. It would only be fair." Kinsley told her.

"So. Faith is back in town." Willow stated and told the watchers, "You could have just phoned."

Kinsley smiled, "To be honest. I wanted to speak in person to see how your little gang was coming along."

"And how is it?" Giles asked him.

"From the rumors I had heard, I thought it was a mickey mouse operation but now that I have seen the horrors of Sunnydale first hand, I must say, I can understand why Giles decided to stay in America. You're doing wonderful things to have come this far."

That last part was directed at Buffy and she was honored, "Thank you but my friends help out a lot."

Kinsley smiled warmly then asked "I don't suppose you could walk us to our transport? Those hideous fiends are no doubt still lurking out there, waiting to pounce."

"How many were there?" Buffy asked.

"Four." Smitty told her, "We could have taken them but we needed to get Kinsley to safety."

"Sure you could." Buffy patronized him, "Spike? Why don't you walk them to their ride."

"Why me?"

"Because I've got to strategize for Faith here."

"I don't think just one of your friends is what we need, missy. We're talking vampires here." Weatherby told her.

Buffy just smiled as she asked Spike, "Spike, how many vampires have you staked in the past week without my even being there?"

"It's been a quiet week. There was that one behind the bronze. The cute couple at the cemetery. Oh, and I was going to kill Harmony's gang until I realized Harmony ran it."

Harmony and Spike smiled sweetly at another and Spike added "It just didn't seem a challenge after that."

"What are you? SAS?" Smitty asked him.

Spike sighed as he got up, "Okay, you bunch of little girl watchers. Let's get this show on the road."

"Are you sure we will be okay?" Kinsley asked him as he struggled to his feet, "I don't think we wounded them that greatly."

"Yeah. We'll be fine." Spike told him impatiently, "And Buffy. You don't mind if two or three of them go missing on the way, do you?"

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Buffy." Joyce warned her.

"Mom. I'm just joking. Spike knows I'd kick his ass from here to -"

"Buffy." Joyce said, "What is with you tonight?"

"I'm sorry. Maybe it's a mixture of inviting Harmony in my house, getting shot at and realizing that Faith is in town and most probably here to cause me an intense amount of pain. It just exasperates me."

"Exasperates. Big word." Dawn mocked her.

"Shut up, Dawn." Buffy shot at her.

"Are we going?" Spike asked the watchers from the door. After three of them reloaded, they once again braved the night.

"What do you think Faith is doing back in Sunnydale?" Riley asked Buffy.

"Obviously she's here for me." Buffy told him.

"But last time, didn't she buy a plane ticket out of Sunnydale?" Dawn asked her, "I don't think she cares about you anymore."

"Then why would she be in Sunnydale?" Buffy asked, "There are only so many reasons for people to be here and since I don't think Faith's here to bring forth Armageddon, she's probably just here to kill me."

"She could be here to make amends." Joyce offered.

"I don't think so, Mom."

"She's not purely evil, Buffy." Giles told her.

Buffy nodded, "I know. She's just insane. Look. You guys talk. I'm going to get some rest."

As she got up to leave the conversation, there was a knock at the door which caught everyone's attention.

Walking slowly up to it, Buffy looked through the peephole.

"What the?" She exclaimed and opened the door to show a vampire standing outside, the same vampire she gave chocolate to at Willy's. There was a small group of vampires on the other side of the street, watching them with anticipation.

The vampire scratched the back of his hands, nervously.

"Hi." he said, "I was wondering if, uh, maybe, I could, uh, if I could have more chocolate."

Buffy tilted her head slowly, "Umm. Sure. I'll just get you some."

She walked into the living room, opened a box of band candy that they had Harmony lug around and took out a handful of bars which she gave to the vampire.

"Here. Give some to your friends."

"Thanks." he said as he grabbed them from her grasp and ran off like he was stealing candy from a baby.

The vampires across the street howled in victory as he ran towards them, "Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!"

"You da man!" one of them hollered.

Buffy and the rest of the gang looked on in wonder.

Buffy watched them go then shrugged, "Well. I'm off to bed. Goodnuh- Oh great."

She stopped herself as Spike and the watchers were walking back to her house.

"What happened?" Buffy asked him.

"Those vampires they shot at, they must have tracked their scent backwards to their truck. It's a write off. They won't be going anywhere in it now."

Buffy sighed, "That's what you get for shooting vampires instead of dusting them. So why did you bring them back here?"

"I didn't bring them. I just followed them." Spike grumbled, "And what were those loons doing across the street?"

"Oh. Those guys. They just came for chocolate. I gave them some."

"No. Really." Spike asked her.

"No. Really. Chocolate." Buffy told him back, "Now, goodnight. I'm going to bed."

"Excuse me." Kinsley begged for her attention, "But could we stay here until sunrise?"

Buffy sighed and turned to her mother, "Mom?"

"If they don't mind staying in the living room. We only have one spare bed."

"That would be quite acceptable." Kinsley told her, "We have a frightful jetlag at any rate."

Buffy stopped him before he could walk through the door and asked Joyce, "And Mom, how much did that window cost to replace last time?"

"Forty dollars. We get a special price due to repeat services."

Buffy turned back to Kinsley and said "Cough it up."

The watchers didn't like getting blackmailed but it seemed they had little choice, so Kinsley reluctantly handed over forty dollars.

When they moved to walk inside once again, Buffy stopped them yet again.

"Not quite yet." She told them, "Giles. Could you phone up the council and make sure these guys aren't evil? I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night to find myself dead."

"That would be a real bummer." Willow half-joked.

The three hired guns seemed a bit off put by that request while Kinsley looked appalled.

"Young lady. If this is how you treat other watchers I'm not surprised that they let you go."

Buffy set him with a steely gaze, "You DO know that we've had an evil watcher here before, don't you?"

"But, but. That's not possible. You are talking about the watchers council. You should show the proper respect."

Buffy blinked at him and turned to the other watchers, "You guys don't let him out much, do you?"

They didn't say anything but by the looks on their faces, they thought Kinsley was a stuffy old man who was out of touch with reality and they only suffered him because it was their duty.

"Top secret? Top secret!' Giles yelled at the phone, "Am I talking to a watcher here or someone who was seen too many James Bond movies? It's obviously not a secret to us. You sent four men to tell us. Yes. Yes, phones are impersonal but in the current situation, don't you think that civility should take second place to our lives? - yes - okay then. Thank you. - Goodbye."

Giles put down the phone and sighed, "Unbelievable."

"So, yay or nay?" Xander asked him, "If they're evil, I call dibs on the guy with the shiny boots."

It was hard to tell which one Xander was talking about since all three of the gun totting watchers had shiny boots on.

"They're official." Giles told everyone, "And Faith has been in town for over a week."

"This is so typical." Buffy muttered, summing up the consensus of shock in four words.

The watchers quartet took her lapse in attention to enter the premises.

"That so can not be of the good." Xander moaned after her.

"Why?" Dawn asked him, "If she's been here for a week but she hasn't like, gone psycho and attacked us, maybe she isn't planing too."

"Precisely." Xander told Dawn, "That means she probably getting ready to do something really stupid because really really stupid things take time."

"Like what they mayor was doing." Willow said then gasped, "Oh. You don't think she's going to try what the mayor was doing, do you?"

"What was the mayor doing?" Smitty, a watcher asked.

"Faith used to be chummy with the mayor of Sunnydale." Willow explained to him, "And he turned himself into a fifty foot long demon snake."

"Fifty feet?" Harmony snorted, "It was more like eighty foot long."

Xander shook his head, "I think he looked longer just because he was really wide. You just expected him to be longer because short, squat snakes don't exist in nature."

"I don't think Faith would try that." Buffy told them, "She's not that smart for one thing."

"And I don't think a slayer could do it anyway." Kinsley added.

Buffy looked at him oddly, "Faith could way do it. You know she's a murderer, right?"

"No, yes. I know about Faith. I meant, a slayer could not perform the necessary rituals."

"Really?" Riley asked, "Slayers can't do magic?"

Kinsley looked at Buffy a bit hesitantly and admitted, "They can but the slayer's essence is too uncontrollable for a lot of spells. The release of power will not only destroy most spells but it threatens the slayers own sanity."

Buffy, Xander, Willow and Giles all knew what he was referring to, after their night time visit from the first slayer fairy. Although, she did seem a little impotent since it was just a dream.

Buffy got ready to leave for her room one more time when Joyce asked her "Will Harmony be staying the night?"

Buffy sighed, "Spike. Can't you take care of her?"

Spike was about to tell her to go jump off a bridge until Harmony snuggled up to him on the couch, so he just rolled his eyes, "As a personal favor to you. Okay."

"Is there something I'm missing here?" Weatherby asked.

Willow shook her head, "It's just Sunnydale business. Nothing you need to worry your head about."

Getting one over on a watcher always put Buffy in a good mood but her head was clouded with other thoughts but she shared a smile with Willow, just to show support for Willow's actions.

Instead of doing what she wanted to do, which was to go up to her room and stare blankly at the ceiling, Buffy thought with her head.

"Okay, Gang. We've got Faith around so I'm not having anyone needlessly in danger. The watchers can stay here tonight. I'll go to Rileys, in case Faith goes there. I don't think Faith knows where Willow and Tara live and she doesn't even know Spike or Harmony. So if Xander sleeps over at Anya's, I think that's everyone safe. Except Giles."

"You can have the guest room." Joyce told him, "It will give you some time to catch up with your old colleagues."

Giles smiled warmly, "Thank you, Joyce. That's very generous of you."

"But do you think they could do anything against Faith?" Joyce asked Buffy, looking down at the three younger watchers from where she sat.

Buffy shook her head, "No but I'm sure they would deter her. We'll find out what we can about Faith being here in the morning. She's not really that sneaky so tracking her down shouldn't be hard."

Riley grinned, "I've still got some surveillance equipment that I've been dying to test."

Buffy grinned too, linking her hands in his, "It's a date. You, me and all of Sunnydale to spy on. It'll be fun."

Kinsley coughed, as though something went down the wrong pipe but didn't say anything.

Buffy chuckled and put her finger tips on his chest, tracing the rippling muscles hidden beneath his shirt in an overly public show of affection.

None of the watchers in the room were comfortable with this behavior coming from a slayer. Even Giles took off his glasses to wash them.

"Well. Goodnight people. I'm going to get some, uh, sleep. Yeah. Sleep." Buffy told them as she led Riley to the door.

A few people called "Goodnight." and "Bye" while Anya told them "I hope you have really good sleep."

Xander looked at her then burst out laughing.

Outside, Riley turned to Buffy as they walked and asked her "You are still Buffy, right?"

"Yeah." Buffy told him with a frown.

"So what was with the sex bomb act?"

Buffy chuckled, "Did I ever tell you about the council?"

"A little. Why?"

"The council doesn't let slayers have boyfriends." Buffy said sadly.

Riley blinked, "Really? Is that why you quit?"

"No. I quit because they almost got me killed."

"Oh." Riley said, frowning, "How?"

"There's this test they give slayers when they reach eighteen. They strip them of their powers and stick them in a house with a master vampire."

Riley gasped, "But that's.."

"Inhumane? Unthinkable? Immoral?"

"All of the above. They did that to you?"

Buffy nodded, "They stripped me of my powers but before they could put me in their trap, the vampire got free and kidnapped Mom. I found it and killed it, just. But Giles helped kill a vampire which the master vampire had made, so the watchers fired him."

Riley shook his head slowly, "That's insane."

Buffy nodded in total agreement.

"Did they do that to Faith too?"

"No. She turned evil before she turned eighteen."

They got in the car and Riley drove them to his place near the university.

The ride was quiet and lonely as each of them had Faith on the brain.

For someone who didn't care about anything she certainly was putting a lot of effort into ruining Buffy's life.

What made it worse was she was once her friend. She didn't understand how Faith could turn so sour so quickly. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was just another vampire.

What made her that way?

Was it magic?

Was there a reason why there's only supposed to be one slayer at a time?

Was she born that way?

But if she was and the slayer power could choose any potential it wanted, why would it choose a crazy one?

Why did she keep coming back to haunt her?

Buffy yawned and something told her that tomorrow would be a long day.

-----

Doc's inner sanctum of darkness.

A small figure lay on the slab in the middle of the darkness, covered in a body length death shroud and surrounded by a large circle of black candles with weak flames.

On the edge of the circles, an elderly looking man wearing glasses and a dressing gown stood, his brow knitted as he tried to read the book in his hands.

In his hands he held a book knowledgeable on slayers but this wasn't watcher approved reading material.

Although they were skewed, the watchers did have standards and wouldn't normally approve a book bound in human skin.

The old looking man, who was in fact a demon who was known simply as Doc, put down the book on a small table and picked up a bowl of some brown powder. It could've been sugar.

He walked towards the circles edge and started walking around it slowly.

"That which lies, I call you forth." he intoned, sprinkling powder on the candles just in front of his feet. It sparkled as it met the flames.

"Creature of sleep, rise." Doc called out, slightly louder this time.

The figure under the layers of cloth bucked up once and fell back down, silent again.

"Slave of lust, satiate yourself on this world."

He sprinkled more powder and a low moan came from the bound figure as they struggled, loosening the death shroud over them enough so that it slid off them, forming a puddle on the floor.

"Bringer of plight, bring forth your death and pain to our enemies."

The figure on the slab was none other than Faith, the dark slayer, writhing in the throes of ecstasy, her eyes shut lightly as if she was still asleep.

"Walk into the walking world, find your way."

Her hips started revolving, dancing to a primal and unheard beat. Her breath picked up as if she was running.

"That which slays, I call you forth."

Every muscle is Faith's body tensed. Her back arched, her mouth contorted like she just swallowed something sour, her hands clenched so tight they bled.

"Slayer, the jagged shard of darkness, seize this night. I call you forth."

The pinnacle of the spell was just about to be reached when all the candles exploded into flames without the need of Doc's powder.

Doc reared away from the flames, obviously not expecting them.

"Whoa Nelly!"

-----

Somewhere else with poor lighting.

"Arrgh, damnit!" Xander yelled as woke up, finding himself next to Anya who was staring at him in shock.

"Xander." She said slowly, "Did you just have a wet dream?"

"I'm sorry." Xander told her, "It's just.. uh.. You. You're so soft and sexy and I was sleeping next to you."

Her face didn't change at all, as if she was frozen in time.

"I'm sorry, honey." Xander told her, becoming increasingly embarrassed.

Anya kissed him by surprise and rolled on top of him.

After she broke the kiss she told him, "That was so hot."

Xander laughed nervously, "Really?"

Anya laughed, much more confidently than he had, "Like you wouldn't believe."

-----

The next morning.

"Buffy." Riley said as he gently massaged her shoulder, "It's time to wake up."

Buffy's eyes creeped open and she looked to Riley who was standing outside the car with her passenger side door open, "We're there already?"

Riley nodded, "You ready."

"Sure." Buffy told him, getting out of the car then asking him, "Where are we exactly?"

"That's classified." Riley told her, "Otherwise known as Nevada."

Buffy got out of the car and stretched in front of the unremarkable concrete jail structure.

Riley had explained earlier how they should talk as early as possible, so that their victim would be less awake and thus more pliable to suggestion.

Buffy rubbed her eyes and thought that there was a definite flaw in his plan.

They both walked up to a wide door and it opened up for them.

Buffy wasn't awake when they entered the premises but obviously, they were being expected.

They passed through a metal detection system that bleeped as they walked through it.

A drawer popped out of the wall and a voice said over the speaker system.

"Please put all metal objects in the drawer. you will get them back when you leave."

Riley patted himself down, sighed and put a crossbow in the drawer.

"Please pass through once more."

They did and it went off again.

Buffy looked up to Riley with an arched eyebrow while he looked embarrassed.

He pulled a tazor out of an outside pocket on his jacket and a retractable baton from within his boot.

"Please pass through once more." the voice said robotically.

They did and this time there was no bleeping.

"Next time, leave your weapons outside." the voice told them and another set of doors opened.

Now they were in the actual jail complex. Although grey and not so white, it did remind Buffy a lot of the initiative base. Maybe it was a variation on a theme.

There were actual human guards here too. Military, armed with walky-talkies and berets.

"This way." One of them said as he moved out of formation to meet them.

They both followed him down a corridor and to an elevator then he turned to them and said "You were told about the one visitor at a time limit?"

Buffy and Riley looked at another and Riley said "I'll go."

"No. I'll go. He doesn't know you." Buffy told him.

Riley sighed but nodded, "Okay. I'll wait here for you then."

The elevator opened and Buffy and the guard walked in.

"Do not touch the cage or pass anything through the cage." The guard told her as they rode the elevator down, "If there's any trouble, push any of the big red buttons lining the walls."

"Okay." Buffy said dumbly.

"He's in room six."

"Thanks."

The doors opened and Buffy walked out while the guard stayed in the elevator.

"You're not coming?"

"I'll stay here." he said woodenly.

Buffy frowned and walked along the corridor, noticing that there were indeed red buttons lining the walls.

She counted the room numbers as she walked passed the doors until she came to six which was where she entered his room.

The room was cut into two sections by a thick sheet of hard plastic. Buffy guessed it was bulletproof, if not bombproof.

On the other side he stood, along with a bed hanging from the wall. On her side, there was a TV set hanging in a ceiling corner.

"Hello, Clarice." He said, mimicking Hannibal Lector.

"Hello, Ethan." Buffy said with a smile.

Ethan Rayne turned around so Buffy could see the smile on his face mirroring her own.

"So it has come to pass that the plan I set in motion all those months ago." he said triumphantly.

Buffy blinked, "Huh?"

"You are here because of my plan, aren't you?"

Buffy frowned then decided to play along, "Oh, yeah. That... that's right."

Ethan gives her a skeptical look then sighed, "Oh great. My plan fell through. I knew that wouldn't work."

"This plan. What was it?"

"Doesn't matter now, does it? So what is the slayer doing here?"

Buffy looked pensive for a moment, prompting Ethan to ask "Having trouble sleeping?"

"No. I've just decided to be evil." Buffy told him, trying to say it convincingly but failing miserably. She frowned, trying to remember all the tricks from drama class she could. All that she could think of was thinking about when her puppy got ran over by a car and picturing Ethan naked. Neither seemed applicable.

"Just like that?" Ethan asked, "I don't buy it."

"But chaos can be a good thing." Buffy said with more enthusiasm, "It's fun."

"So what are you here for? Going to break me out?"

"No. That's too much fun for me. I was thinking, hey. you know what was really fun? That band candy gag you pulled. It was great. All the adults were acting like children. That's chaos, right?"

Ethan nodded slowly and obviously skeptically, "Well, yeah."

"We should do that. It will be fun." Buffy said, sounding more artificially than she wanted to sound.

Ethan pinned her with a smirk, "And why do you really want the recipe off me?"

"I-uh. Chaos. I explained it before."

"Pull the other one."

Buffy paused for a while then sighed, "Okay. It's Giles!"

"Giles?"

Buffy began pacing and rambling, "I've tried everything. Love potions, aphrodisiacs, demon possession, saved his life a dozen times, going on patrols with him in the middle of winter but being scantily clad. I had my nose done. I even had breast enlargements. Can you tell?"

Ethan ogled her breasts as she squeezed them together for him.

"Tastefully done." Ethan noted, "They look very natural."

"Thanks."

"I might be confused here but you want Giles?" Ethan asked her, "Giles? Your watcher?"

Buffy looked hurt, "What's wrong with that?"

"Uh, nothing. I guess. So what does this have to do with me?"

"Well. I can't seem to shake the watcher out of Giles. He wont stop thinking of me as a daughter figure. It's so aggravating."

"I see and you thought my band candy could work?"

"Yeah."

Ethan Rayne smiled, "Couldn't hurt."

"Of course, if you give me the wrong recipe and something happens to Giles, I'll come back here and .."

"I'd like to see you try." Ethan laughed, tapping the bomb proof plastic wall to his cell.

Buffy raised an eyebrow, "You really think that would stop ME?"

Ethan thought about it and shrugged.

"Fine. No tricks. Just give me a pad and a pen."

Buffy pulled out a pad and a pen and a smirk, "How do you feel about dictation."

"Spoilsport." he said, disappointed.

"Just one question."

"Yes?"

"Does it have to be chocolate?"

Ethan nodded, "You really know nothing about magic, do you?"

-----

continued in chapter 2


	2. Love thy enemy

-----

The Magic box.

The doorbell rung as Xander walked into the magic box alone.

"Hey people." Xander said in greeting.

Giles, Buffy, Willow, Tara and Dawn were around a table in the heart of the store.

"Why my blood?" Dawn asked them, turning to Xander, "Can't you talk some sense into them?"

Xander frowned, "Blood? Huh?"

"We, um, need her blood to test our recipe of the band candy." Willow explained.

Xander asked "Oh. So you got that working? Cool but one of the ingredients is Dawn's blood?"

"Blood of a teenage virgin." Buffy said with a grin, "Which Dawn should still be."

"Hey!" Dawn objected, "Just because I'm not a tramp like you doesn't mean I'm a virgin."

Xander hemmed, "Dawn. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Remember that story I told you about the praying mantis lady who wanted to eat my head?"

"Yeah."

"That sort of demon only targets virgins. Which I was." Xander said with an understanding smile.

Dawn stared at Xander then laughed, "Really? You?"

"Yes. It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

Dawn sighed, "But no one is allowed to tell anyone else, okay?"

"I know my lips are sealed." Giles said, tired of the whole affair and remembering a time when virginity was considered a virtue for a young girl.

Willow took out a gun like implement, placed it on Dawn's thumb and pulled the trigger.

"Ow!" Dawn complained, pulling her thumb away, "That really didn't hurt that much but could you warn me next time?"

Willow shrugged meanly and pulled out a tiny glass tube from the side of the gun which contained a surprising amount of Dawn's blood.

"Hey, Willow?" Dawn asked, "What if you make band candy using that but then I go have sex? Wouldn't that mean the candy would stop working?"

"No. I don't think so." Willow mused, "Not entirely at least."

"But you won't." Buffy told her sternly, "No boys for you."

"I can if I want to."

"Dawn. You're fifteen. Way too young."

"Xander?" Dawn called to Xander for support.

Xander frowned at the table, not really sure what to say then picked up a design for the chocolate bar wrapper.

With a simple white wrapper, it had written in simple red letters "VAMP CANDY" and under it, in smaller black letters "SHARE IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS"

"Share it with your friends?" Xander asked the chocolate.

Dawn nodded, "Anya explained it before she left. Advertisement is like mind control. If you write it down, they will do it."

"But it's not." Buffy laughed.

"It's a proven scientific fact." Dawn told Buffy snobbishly, "Without, you know, the actual science. You write down something on a product and a percentage of people will do it."

"So if mountain dew told people to jump off a bridge?" Buffy challenged her.

Dawn smiled a victory, "It would happen."

"So, where's Riley, Buff?" Xander asked her, "I thought you would still be surveying for Faith."

"Ah surveying." Buffy sighed, "It sounded so cool last night but it's actually really boring. I let Riley do it alone since I got the impression that I was only slowing him down."

"You slowing him down?" Xander asked skeptically.

"He's actually very good with technology." Buffy said with a little pride.

"Better than Buffy." Dawn snarked, "She still doesn't know how to set the VCR clock."

Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Dawn. How does knowing how to set a VCR actually help you in the real world?"

Xander looked at Buffy, "Is that the real reason you left him out there?"

"No." Buffy frowned, "We had an argument."

Willow gasped, "About what?"

"It's nothing." Buffy told her, "He just wouldn't tell me if my nose looked like it had been altered. Xander? Does my nose look like it's been altered?"

Xander backed away from her slowly, as if she was a wild animal and said "I don't know how to answer that without getting hit."

Buffy growled, "All I want is a simple answer."

"Yeah. It does." Dawn told her.

"No, it doesn't." Willow laughed, "It's a perfectly cute nose."

"But it's so small and lumpy." Dawn argued.

"But the only surgery I've had was to have that big hairy mole on my arm removed." Buffy frowned.

"You had that removed?" Giles asked her, "You had the sign of the slayer removed?"

"It was really gross." Buffy cringed, "And where do you think you're going?"

Xander stopped in mid step as he was sneaking towards the front door, "To Anya's. I haven't cleaned up. I'm still all smelly from work. I just checked in to see if anything new came up on the Faith front."

"Anya told you see was staying in LA tonight, didn't she?" Giles asked, "To give out free samples of the chocolate."

Xander blinked, "I knew she was in LA but she said nothing about free samples. She wants to SELL the band candy?"

Giles looked surprised, "Uh. Yes. That would be the most natural method to distribute it. Why did you think she was leaving?"

"Because the idea of another crazy slayer in town scares her." Xander grinned.

With that, Xander left without telling Buffy what he thought about her nose.

-----

Faith paused.

Her head felt heavy, like she hadn't used it in a while. Everything felt wrong. It was dark too, which didn't help her figure anything out. As her nightvision kicked in, she found herself in an unfamiliar room, a familiar sensation.

What was the last thing she remembered?

The hotel. Two guys. Expensive wine which she could've cared less for.

That's it!

They drugged her.

Faith kept still and felt the bed she was in, checking to see if anyone else was in it. If they were, they would be paying big time for what they did to her.

It's not that she minded what they did, it's just that she wasn't awake to enjoy it.

But there wasn't anyone so she got out of bed slowly.

That was when she realized that something was definitely very wrong here. It wasn't that she was in pain but she felt so weak, like when she had come out of her coma and she had put on a lot of weight in strange places.

What the hell was going on?

-----

Xander climbed the trellis on the side of the summers household and clambered onto the portion of roof near Buffy's window.

He carefully crawled along the roof and checked Buffy's window to find her room without her in it.

"Xander?" a small voice called from nearby.

Xander looked around to see Dawn staring out her window at him.

"Hi Dawn." Xander smiled widely.

"What are you doing out there?"

"Looking for your sister."

Dawn rubbed her eyes, "Why didn't you just come through the front door?"

"I didn't want to wake anyone."

Dawn found this ridiculously funny, "How's that working out for you?"

"Pretty damn good until you wrecked it for me."

"So this is what you do when Anya's away? Crawl into other girls bedroom windows?"

Is she trying to flirt with me? That's just plain weird.

"Anya. Yeah, right." Xander said, as if trying to work something out.

"Aww. Don't tell me you're missing her already? I thought you'd be glad to get rid of Anya for a few days."

"I would?"

"Well, yeah. You know how I feel about her, don't you?"

"So why do you hate Anya?" Xander asked as he crawled towards her window.

"I don't hate Anya. I just don't like her much." Dawn said with a big smile, challenging him to correct her.

"So why don't you like her much then?" Xander asked.

Dawn leant on the window sill and got comfortable, "Where to start? Besides being a money grabbing, cradle snatching ex-demon with no sense of humor, tact or fashion sense she's also the fuhrer of the feminazi. Which should worry you more than it should me."

Dawn backed off slightly and asked "Xander, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" Xander asked.

"Like - XANDER!"

"OsshIT!" Xander yelled as he lost his footing on the roof tiles and skidded off the roof to thump a Xander shaped hole into the grassy ground.

Xander groaned and looked up to realize that it wasn't Dawn who called his name but Buffy who was now rushing over to him.

He got up to meet her but she held him down, "Don't move. You could've hurt yourself."

"I'm fine. I'm fine." Xander told her acidly, "Get off me!"

"What are you doing out here?" Buffy asked him after she let him go, "You're not still under Dracula's throng are you?"

"What?!" Xander choked, "No!"

"So what are you doing climbing up to my sister's window?"

Xander looked up to where Dawn was looking down at him, "I thought it would be funny."

Xander backed off as Buffy looked at him closer as she asked "Are you sure you're not concussed? That looked painful."

"Nah. I'm .. just a little concussed. It'll pass."

"Is it routine for your friends to walk around without protection?" Kinsley asked from where he was hovering behind Buffy.

"Hey. I've got protection." Xander yelled at him, fishing into his jacket to pull out some items, "See. I've got a stake and a tazor and some handcuffs and some loose change and.."

Xander stopped searching his pockets when he found something sticky in one of them, "Gross. I don't know what that was."

Buffy looked at him weirdly, "Handcuffs?"

Xander shrugged guiltily.

"Don't explain." Buffy told him, "Please don't. Just go home and try not to get kidnapped by Faith, okay? Oh and there's some vampires in hoodies running around. Not the usual fledglings either so if you see them, run and scream."

"Two things I'm good at." Xander scowled at Buffy but finally conceded, "You're right. I shouldn't be out. I think I'll just go home."

"I think we will also." The eldest watcher told them, "Faith's essence has alluded us again. I was sure she was this way."

"Haven't seen her." Xander told them with a smile, "Have you? uh, had any luck with her essence?"

The watcher shook his head, "Setting a thief to catch a thief may be a viable plan of action but I believe that acquiring the help of a slayer to track another slayer may be playing havoc with my scrying."

"Anyone want an escort?" Buffy offered, "Last chance."

No one wanted one so Buffy smiled and said "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the big bad bite."

Then she walked into her house, glad to have some alone time.

"Which way are you going?" Weatherby, one of the watchers asked Xander.

"Not your way." Xander told them with a smirk.

"Fine. Pick up your feet, fellows." Kinsley said and they trundled off and Xander walked off in the totally opposite direction.

When the watchers turned the corner, Xander did an about face and set off to follow them stealthily.

They were staying alert to danger so Xander took extra effort to remain hidden but he succeeded to track them into the warehouse district.

"Why are you spying on them?" A female voice asked Xander's left ear and he fumbled and fell over sideways.

"Shit!" he yelled then looked at the source of the voice for a second, "Huh? Harmony? What are you doing here?!"

"Just watching you clown around. Spike kicked me out for the night but I don't want to talk about that. So why are you spying on them?"

Xander sighed and got back up, "I think they might be up to no good."

"Really?" Harmony asked him, "And what are you going to do? Run back to Buffy after they kick your ass?"

Xander growled at her, "You should be at home in bed. It's dangerous out here. Have you got a deathwish or something?"

Harmony gave Xander an odd look and asked "Are you okay? You seem, I don't know, stupider than normal. If that's at all possible."

Xander looked at her oddly too, "Um. I'm great. Goofy great."

Xander winced at his own words and told her, "Besides. I think I could kick their ass. They're just watchers."

"Pluh-eeze. You couldn't kick my ass." Harmony laughed.

"You want to test that theory?"

"Don't need to. Remember last month when I kicked your ass? That was all me."

Xander looked away, embarrassed, "Fucken hell."

"I can't really blame you. I've got all the advantages. Super vampire beauty, super vampire intelligence and super vampire fashion sense. Nothing can take me on."

Xander looked at her strangely.

Harmony looked back at him and asked "What? Have I got something on my face? I can't tell you know. I don't have a reflection. Is it a zit?"

"No. You look fine." Xander said with a disarming smile, "You wouldn't mind doing a favour for me, would you?"

"Maybe. I'm bored. As long as it's nothing kinky. You keep your hands to yourself."

"No. it's nothing like that. Could you track those watchers for me?"

"The english guys? Sure. Do you think I'll score points with Buffy doing this? Because I think she's still pissed at me for kidnapping her sister."

Xander shrugged, "Can't hurt."

"Cool." Harmony cried gleefully.

Then she sniffed the air and walked in a direction, "This way. One of them wears brylcreem. Ugh. You wouldn't believe what that stuff smells like to me."

"Bad?"

"Worse than bad."

Xander let her walk first and watched her from behind.

"You know. One of these days, I'm just going to leave him." Harmony said, more to herself than Xander, "He can't just treat me like this. I'm a master vampire. He just doesn't seem to respect that."

"Uh-huh." Xander said in acknowledgement.

Xander tilted his head and watched the bump and grind of her ass as she walked as if it was something he'd never seen before.

She was wearing a bright pink halter top and a simple, small lime green skirt. If she wasn't already room temperature, she'd be so cold.

He looked around to make sure he wasn't being watched and continued staring at Harmony's form from behind.

"I can do better than Spike. There's bound to be other men out there for me, right? I'm an incredibly sexy vampiress with charisma and leadership skills."

"I'll admit. You've got some nice assets." Xander told her.

Harmony turned around and blinked at him, "Really? You think so?"

"Hell yeah, girl. You've got it going on."

Harmony beamed him a smile, "Thanks. Not that it means much coming from you but thank you. You're sweet."

"You're also dead." a slightly deader sounding voice said that came from the shadows.

Xander turned to it and found him and Harmony surrounding by four vampires wearing drab brown hooded cloaks.

"You may feed on him now if you wish."one of the hooded vamps told Harmony, "We won't stop you but we ask that you do not turn him. We have been charged with his death."

"What?!" Harmony asked them, not understanding what was going on, "Go away. I don't have any money."

Xander reached into his jacket with a hand which swung back out with a large bottle of holy water that he let fly. The glass bottle smashed into one of vampires chests, knocking him over and causing plumes of smoke to fly off as it spilt over him..

The other three pounced and Xander jumped to the side, in the direction of the vampire he had just knocked down, jumping on it's chest as if using it like a springboard, breaking it's ribcage and for some reason causing it to turn into dust too.

He spun around with a stake and tazor in hand and met two of the vampires as they each lunged with a dagger.

He deflected the daggers to the left, causing the one of the left to get stabbed in the gut by his own ally.

Using the shock to his advantage, Xander thrust his stake into the unwounded vampires heart and hit the other one in the neck with the tazor rod.

When the last vampire standing came rushing forward, Xander heaved the wounded and now unconscious vampire at him.

Taken by surprise, the vampire caught his friend and fell backwards onto the ground.

Xander followed this up by a small leap towards them and thrusting his stake down on them both. He staked the unconscious one of top first and it dusted quickly but he kept the pressure on the stake and it automatically fell into the second ones heart.

It screamed and writhed a little bit then it disintegrated like the rest of them.

Xander dusted himself off and smiled hugely, "And I was expecting a challenge."

"Xander." Harmony said breathlessly, "That was amazing. How did you do that?"

Xander grinned wickedly as he walked confidently up to her, "What can I say, babe? I work out."

Seeing something wrong about him, Harmony backed off from Xander.

Xander saw what she was doing and shepherded her into a dark dead end alleyway that was behind her.

"Xander? What are you doing?"

"Harmony. Did I ever tell you how I feel about you?"

"That you hate me, right? But that's no reason to stake me."

Xander shook his head, "It's not like that at all. The reason I've always been so hostile towards you is kinda complicated. I didn't really understand it myself, until just now."

"And that is?" Harmony asked as she walked backwards into a wall.

Bridging the gap, Xander took her into his arms.

"Harm. I love you." He told her.

Harmony looked back at him, starstruck.

"Really?" she asked.

Since becoming a vampire, she'd begun to know her way around a man but for some reason that knowledge was stuck in a distant blurry space in her head.

An even more distant blurry space.

She really didn't know what to do.

Xander took the initiative and kissed her.

Harmony moaned until it became too much for her and she pushed him away, "I-I can't."

"Why not?" Xander asked her, cupping the crotch of her panties under her skirt.

Harmony's eyes went wide, looking down to where Xander had his hand.

"O-Oh-Okay. Now, you need to - Uh!" Harmony stopped and gasped for breath as Xander slipped her panties over his hand and started massaging her bare mound, "Oh god. That's so good b-but, it's not.. stop."

Xander silenced her by mashing his mouth over hers.

At first, she struggled but after a few uncomfortable moments, she melted and he pulled one her legs up and hooked it around him, pressing him closer.

Now that she was putty in his hands, he broke off the kiss for some air.

"Just one thing." he told her between labored breaths.

"What?" Harmony said, the need thick in her voice.

"No biting."

-----

The next day.

On a grassy knoll, overlooking Sunnydale.

"The magic never lies." Kinsley said, his words full of potent.

"They're just very inaccurate." Buffy said snidely from where she lying on the grass next to Riley, looking through her binoculars while Riley had a similar pair in one hand and a parabolic microphone in the other, "And can you sit down or something? We're trying to be covert."

The four watchers stayed standing, sticking out like sore thumbs.

"I don't believe you understand the severity of our situation. It would seem that Faith has found our location somehow." Kinsley told her, apparently being both the senior and the voice of all four.

"So move." Buffy told them while intently tracking a short shapely girl in the distance, who wasn't Faith.

"Last night, I sensed a slayer nearby so these brave lads ventured out and found evidence of several vampires slain just outside our temporary headquarters."

Buffy sighed and looked at them with the most seriousness that she had since they had arrived in her town, "Really?"

"Three dust piles with weapons in the mix." Smitty told her, "Really close to us too. Whoever did it knew what they were doing."

"And why would Faith slay vampires?" She asked him and went back to spying, "It was probably just Spike."

"Maybe this is a sign." Kinsley said in the voice of someone who believed in those things, "Maybe we're continually drawn back to you for a reason."

"What are you talking about?" Buffy asked, her annoyance irked.

"Maybe we were sent here to help you. It's very possible that you will fail to defeat the rebellious Faith without our help."

"And this help, what would it consist of?"

"Training, of course. Training to fight the darkness. Not only from without but from within as well."

Buffy groaned, "Hello. I've been training and doing for the last four years. If you really wanted to help you'd give me a slaying allowance. There's this really cute lead filled mace I wanna buy on ebay but I just know the bidding is going to rise past two hundred dollars. But you know what your problem really is? You're looking for a slayer and you keep finding me. You've found a slayer. Kudos. It doesn't take a PhD in watcherism to figure that one out."

Kinsley frowned as this rebuttal, "Well. It seems you're not in a mood to talk. I will check on you later when you're in a more civilized state of mind."

Buffy was about to give him a piece of her mind but stopped her, "Fine. Goodbye."

As the watchers walked off, Riley took the headphones off his head and asked Buffy "Are they always so english?"

"Yup." Buffy told him, "Once, I met one from Jamaica. The most english man you've ever met."

Riley stared at her, trying to discern if she was telling the truth.

-----

The doorbell rung as Xander walked into the Magic box, as he would any other day.

This time he went back to Anya's apartment first and tidied himself up first.

At the sound of the bell, Tara woke up, bringing her head off the table where it had been resting for the last two hours.

She has a large red blotch where her forehead rested on a book.

"How long was I out?" Tara asked Willow with the grace of a boxer in the tenth round.

"Not long." Willow told her.

Willow and Tara had spent all night looking up magical ingredients. Although Tara had dozed off several times, not having Willows insomniac endurance.

"Willow, you look like crap." Xander told her.

Willow glared at him, cranky as hell, "You're no prize yourself."

"I'm sorry." Xander said defensively, "But you do. You look like you were up all night."

"That's because I WAS up all night."

"Why?"

"Working on the chocolate recipe."

Xander frowned, "Forgive me if I'm wrong but I thought we already -had- the recipe."

"We do. I'm just improving it."

"Or trying to." Tara mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

Xander grinned, "Trying to make Harmony revert back to kindergarten?"

"Not much of a stretch." Willow muttered, shaking her head, "No. I'm just making it so it works on demons but not on humans so much."

"Oh, right. Because it would be bad if people started eating it and then babies got stolen from the hospital and fed to a big snake demon."

"Precisely."

"How's it going?"

"I was going to feed Giles some later. Just to test it."

"I'm sure Joyce would love that." Xander said, with a wicked grin.

"Joyce?" Tara asked sleepily, "Why Joyce?"

"The last time they ate the band candy Joyce and Giles got together." Willow explained.

Xander looked around the shop to find Giles filing books on the other side of the store.

Then he leant towards Tara and whispered "They had a shag on top of a police car."

Tara's eyes went wide then she found the table incredibly interesting.

Willow glared at Xander, "Okay. We've got an excuse for looking terrible but what about you?"

"Anya must be riding him hard." Tara told Willow then gasped, "Ah. Bad image. I think my head is in a scary heterosexual place."

Willow half-glared at Xander, "If you've scared her straight, you and me will be having words."

Xander raised an eyebrow, not speaking.

"But really Xander. You look horrible. How much sleep did you have last night?" Willow asked him.

Xander shrugged, "I might look bad but I feel fine. I've just got this pain in my neck. Felt like something bit me. Don't worry. Nothing did. I'd remember or there'd be a mark."

"Chamomile tea might help." Tara suggested..

"Really? Is that a magic thing?" Xander asked.

Willow chuckled, "No. It's a girl thing."

Xander nodded, "That makes sense. When Anya moved in, she brought some with her. Uh, when you say it's a girl thing..."

"Yes, I was referring to period pain but it's soothing. You should try it."

"Kay. I will." Xander said, clearly troubled by something, "Willow, Tara. Can I ask you two some questions?"

"What type of questions?" Willow asked.

"I think I might finally be going totally insane and I just want to figure out just how insane I am."

"Ohh-kay." Willow said hesitantly, "Then ask away."

"Do you find girls attractive?"

Willow couldn't help but laugh, "Well, yeah. It goes with the whole lesbian thing."

"I mean, do you find other girls attractive, besides just you two? Like Britney Spears?"

"Well, um." Willow muttered, frowning, "Britney Spears?"

"She's nice." Tara told him, "But a lot of her earlier stuff, like when she was jumping around in a school dress. I didn't see the attraction."

"Yeah." Willow said, "What she said."

"Okay then. What about Cordelia? Oh, wait, Tara's never met her. So instead, I'll ask about Harmony."

"Harmony." Willow said slowly, "Um. She is pretty but the whole undead thing is a real turn off."

Tara nodded in quiet agreement.

"Why?" Willow asked Xander.

Xander looked around, to make sure no one could eavesdrop and kept a close eye of Giles.

"I'm trying to figure something out. Two nights ago. When I was at Anya's place. I had a dream."

"What type of dream?" Tara asked.

"A.. God, this is embarrassing. One of, uh, it was a wet dream. Okay?"

Tara didn't know what to say while Willow giggled.

"And why are you telling us this?" Willow asked.

"Because it is was one of those dreams .. but it was about the first slayer."

Willow gasped, "Oh. Oh. Oh, that's just not right."

"Why not?" Tara asked her.

"Did Willow tell you much at all about the first slayer?" Xander asked her.

"Uh. No. Not that much. Why? Is she ugly or something?"

"Ugly isn't the word." Xander told her, "Freaking scary is better."

Willow sighed, "She covered from head to toe in a layer of mud and her face is covered in war paint. She's cruel and violent and how the hell would anyone find that sexy?"

"Excuse me?" Giles asked from across the room, looking up when the volume rose.

"Xander had a wet dream with the first slayer in it." Willow told him.

Giles blinked a few times then took his glasses off to clean them.

"Will!" Xander yelled, "I didn't want him to know that."

"There we are in agreement." Giles told him, "The first slayer? Really, Xander. I don't know what to say."

"Do you think it's a byproduct of the spell we did?" Willow asked Giles.

Giles looked flummoxed, "I wouldn't think so but I suppose it's possible. I know a colleague in the watchers council who is something of an expert in certain forces trying to corrupt the slayer power to their own devices. Maybe he could shed some light on this."

"Whoa there. No one else can know about this." Xander told him, "It's bad enough already."

Giles turned to him, "This could be serious. It might have far reaching ramifications."

"And it could just be that I'm going insane. It had to happen sometime." Xander said in defeat.

"Xander. You're not insane." Willow told him.

"Really?" Xander asked her, "Then why is it I'm attracted to pain and suffering?"

"You're not." Tara said softly.

"You don't know that. You've never met Cordelia. I can't believe I dated her. And Faith. My god. What was I thinking? What about Anya? Am I fooling myself here or is she actually a nice person?"

"She's.." Willow hesitated, "She's not all that bad."

Giles hemmed, "I should point out that there are too few people out there willing to help us. Anya would appear to someone who wants to help us, despite her past and our differences. Also, you don't have a lot of options in a potential life partner. Anyone you bring into your life would have to be as comfortable with the supernatural as you are and I'm sure you can appreciate how few and far between such people are. Despite having fought the mayor, I'm sure the graduating class of Sunnydale high are still living in blissful denial of the horrors among us."

"I don't think you're attracted to pain and suffering." Willow told him with a smile, "I think pain and suffering is just attracted to you. You've just got this really big heart. It's all big and tasty and they want to take a bite out of it. It's not you. It's them."

"Maybe you need a vacation from all the hellmouthy stuff." Tara suggested.

Xander smiled at her, "But I just had a vacation two years ago. I came back with all these exciting stories like how my car broke down and I flipped flapjacks for spare change."

"Maybe you need another one." Willow insisted.

"But I can't. I've already used up my holiday time with emergency situations. Talking of which, if anyone asks Buffy's my sister. So are you, Willow. Giles is also my dad."

Giles smiled, "It's a strange honor."

Xander perked up and rubbed his hands together, changing topics, "So, anything new on the psychopathic killer front?"

"Nope." Willow told him, "Neither the watchers or Riley have found anything out."

"I'm sure she'll turn up... enrolled in alcoholics anonymous."

"I wonder if there's an evil anonymous?" Willow pondered, "There really should be."

Xander chuckled, "Yeah. Angel can be the chair person."

"And Anya can be the treasurer." Willow added right after.

"If there's nothing new, I think I'll go back to Anya's and vege out. Researching chocolate recipes isn't my forte."

"Fine. Leave us, traitor." Willow joked and Tara waved goodbye as he walked out the front door.

-----

Upon getting home, Xander walked over to Anya's answer machine and pushed the play button.

"You have two new messages." It told him.

Xander took off his shoes as the machine went through the messages.

"Hi, Xander." Anya's cheerful voice came through, "Hope you're treating my flat good. Things are going great here. There seems to be a real market for the vamp chocolate. That's what we're calling it from now on. Not band candy. Band candy is out. Vamp chocolate is in-"

There was a knock at the door so Xander pushed the pause button and got up to get it.

Thinking twice, he picked up a baseball bat which someone had conveniently left lying by the coffee table and then proceeded to the door.

He peered through the peephole then opened the door.

"Harmony. What are you doing here?" Xander asked her, "And keep it quick. I've got important things to do. Like watch reruns and catch my favorite commercials."

"Invite me in."

"No."

"Come on. That's not funny. Spike told me there's another slayer out there. Two. I don't feel safe out here."

"Too bad. There's no way I'm inviting you in. I don't even know if I can because I'm just borrowing this room for a while."

Harmony frowned sadly, "Why are you acting like this? Like you don't even know me?"

"Harmony. I don't know you. Now goodnight. I'm going to bed."

"Hey!" Harmony yelled as he slammed the door in her face, "Let me in so I can kick your ass!"

"Hell no! Get lost."

"I'll .."

It went quiet outside and Xander turned to see if something would happen.

That's when the screaming started.

"I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF! YOU HEAR ME!? YOU ARE SO DEAD! I'LL BREAK YOUR STUPID SPINE AND JUMP ON IT! SCREW.. YOU! LO-SER!"

Then he heard her as she stormed down the hallway.

He wanted to go to bed but his sense of duty was getting in the road.

"Arr fuggit." Xander mumbled as he picked up the phone and dialed a number.

After a few rings, it was picked up by Willow on the other line, "Hello?"

"Willow. It's Xander."

"What's up?"

"Harmony just came over to kill me. I thought you should know. She was really pissed."

"Are you all right?" Willow asked, concerned.

"Yeah. I didn't let her in. Could you give Buffy her the heads up?"

"Sure."

"I would've staked her myself but I'm just too tired for that. Instead, I'll go to bed and hope she still isn't smart enough to work a zippo to burn down An's apartment block. Night."

"Xander, wait!" Willow said quickly but too late. He had already hung up.

-----

Faith stirred awake again.

She checked herself in the darkness.

It wasn't the dream. She really was awake this time.

She looked at the bedside alarm clock that had its time written in angry red LEDs.

That time can't be right.

How long did she sleep for?

Getting up, she walked naked across the room to raid the fridge that someone had conveniently stocked for her.

-----

It had been a slow night so they continued their search for Faith. Riley had gone all out with the equipment for night time and had something he called a sonar triangulator. Buffy frowned in confusion as he explained how it worked earlier. Then he told her it was like a radar dish but for sound instead of aircraft. Then she smiled and said "Neat."

Sadly, it didn't work that great in the field but it did pick up a bunch of tourists which were being tailed by a bunch of local vampires.

After staking the pitiful vampires, Buffy admitted that Riley's new toy did have some merit.

It wouldn't detect the hunters in the darkness but if it could detect their prey, that's an advantage.

Her admittance was cut short when her cell phone vibrated in her jacket.

"Buffy speaking." Buffy said into the cellphone.

"Miss Summers, this is Kinsley."

"How did you get this number? No, forget that question. Why are you calling me?"

"I wanted to know, are you currently close to the corner of Revel and Bernard?"

"Why?" Buffy asked him.

"I'm not sure but it appears I'm detecting a slayer from that direction."

Buffy blinked.

"Miss Summers?" Kinsley prompted her.

"Yes. Yes, I'm near Revel and Bernard."

Kinsley sighed, "Very well. It seems I'm just detecting you. I'll keep at it them and I'll let you get on with whatever it was you were doing."

"Okay. Bye." Buffy said, turning the phone off, walking towards the corner of Revel and Bernard.

"Buffy." Riley called as he caught up to her, "Why did you lie to whoever on the phone."

"Do you know what's on the corner of Revel and Bernard?"

"No. What?"

"Faith's place."

-----

Buffy entered the premises alone, leaving Riley outside.

The lock on the door to Faith's old loft had been wrenched out of the door and the door was open slightly.

She slipped in, barely touching the door and pussyfooted into the main room.

The place was furnished like someone was living there.

The throw rug in the middle of the room had been pushed aside and a floorboard had been pulled out where it was. Buffy presumed it was done using the breadknife which laid bare on the floor.

Buffy concluded that Faith had been there tonight and she had taken something important from under the floorboards.

That didn't bode well since it could be anything but it had to be important enough for Faith to come back to Sunnydale for it.

It could be some mystical gadget.

A key to an underground vault full of dark and evil things.

A simple bauble which held the power to destroy the world.

A gun.

Buffy's head shot up when she heard something.

With practiced stealth, she crept across the room, up a small flight of stairs to where she saw someone on the balcony, looking outside.

Buffy readied her stake and approached the figure.

As she got close to them, she stepped on a piece of broken glass which shattered under her shoe.

"SHIT!" Xander yelled, spinning around, surprising Buffy.

"Xander?!" Buffy yelled, "What are you doing here?"

"Buffy?" Xander panted with a stake in his hand, "You scared the crap out of me."

They both rested for a few seconds before Buffy came in with the verbal attack.

"Xander. Why are you here? Why are you even out at night by yourself? You know it's too dangerous with Faith around."

"Relax." Xander said, trying to placate her, "I was just checking for clues. Trying to help out. It's what I do."

"Did you find anything?"

"Nah. Faith's long gone by now."

"What gives you that idea?"

"Think about it. Why would she hang around here? There's nothing for her here."

"I wouldn't put anything past her. You know, in all the years I've been a slayer, I've never met anyone so evil."

Xander blinked, "What about Angel? The guy who tried to destroy the world."

Buffy shook her head sadly, "No. He was just doing what was in his nature. He's got an excuse but Faith didn't. She just made my life miserable because she wanted to. Because it made her feel good."

"You're being a little harsh there."

"I don't think so. Who knows what that psychopath is doing right now. Probably something dirty to small children."

Xander sighed and crossed his arms, "You can stop with the insults now. What gave me away?"

Buffy smirked, "I never told Xander where you lived, Faith. I didn't want him trying to redeem you because that would only get him killed."

"I wouldn't kill him. That would be a waste of a perfectly good slave.." Xander's mouth said with a smirk, "He always was so eager to please."

Buffy studied Faith in Xander's body. She looked a little more tense than Xander but otherwise, there wasn't much difference in appearance.

"So why are you here?" Buffy asked her.

Faith ignored her and crouched slowly.

"No one came to clean up her mess." Faith said, touching a small brown stain on the floor, "But that's typical for this town. People just leave things to fester here."

"What's the play this time? Possess Xander then get me through him?"

"Nah. I was just about to leave town actually. Head for Vegas and see what fun I can get up to in my new body."

"So how did you do it?" Buffy asked her, "Another gift from the mayor?"

Faith laughed sort of crazily, "I don't even know!"

"How could you not know?"

Faith shrugged, "It wasn't me. My money's on Xander. You know his gift with magic. I bet right now he's having the time of his life doing the slayer gig. Either that or he's playing with myself. If I knew where he was, I'd join him. Gotta wonder what I feel like from the outside."

Buffy grimaced, "Faith. That's sick."

"Come on, B. Don't tell me you're not curious. You wouldn't believe how good it feels." Faith told her and demonstrated what they were referring to by a few pelvic thrusts with matching grunts.

"And I don't want to know either."

"To tell you the truth, if I had a choice, I would've picked Riley but Xander's not so bad. He's bigger in the pants department too. Bet you didn't know that."

Buffy thought about it and shook her head, "That doesn't make sense. Riley's bigger than Xander. Physically bigger."

Faith laughed out loud, "Oh man! I just figured you out. You reckon that tall guys all have big wongs. That's why you had such a hankering for Angel, isn't it? You like a big man."

"It's not like that." Buffy said defensively, "We were in love."

"Oh Angel. You're so big. Fill me with your big man meat." Faith mocked her, thrusting their pelvis yet again, "B, you're hilarious. Acting all prudish when all you want is a nice long shaft."

"What was in the floorboards?" Buffy asked angrily.

"Nothing much." Faith said with a smirk, opening Xander's jacket to show a prepackaged and vacuum wrapped brick of cold cash in the inside pocket, "Just enough mullah to last me a very long time."

"Money?" Buffy asked her, relieved, "Only money."

"I'll give you half if you let me go." Faith offered, hopeful.

Buffy glared at her, "Do you really think I'd be persuaded by that? To let you use Xander's body like that?"

"You could use it too if you wanted." Faith joked, "Come on. It'll be great. You, me, Las Vegas. It'll be like old times but better."

Buffy laughed at her, "You can't be serious."

"Think about it. You're not getting what you deserve out of life. You aren't getting the respect or the love your deserve and the pay sucks. Aren't you tired of being the last line of defense? I know I am. Dropping the slayer act is the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Where's Xander?"

"I honestly don't know but I'm not feeling sorry for him. The impression I got from Dawn is Xander's better off without that Anya chick he's boinking."

"I'll ask you again. Where is Xander?"

"Or you'll what? Beat it out of me?" Faith laughed in her face, "Just be gentle because I bruise easily."

"Alright. It's the hard way." Buffy said and grabbed Faith by Xander's shoulders.

Faith pushed back and Buffy was thrown back ten feet, back into the apartment.

Faith gasped then stared at her hands in surprise.

"Damn! Where did that come from?!" Faith asked Buffy.

From the ground Buffy groaned "But you're -"

"A guy!" Faith laughed maniacally, "Holy shit. This is gonna be fun."

"Yeah. Real fun." A new voice said from the shadows.

Faith turned in time to get caught in a running tackle by Harmony.

She caught Faith around the chest and kept on running out of the apartment, onto the balcony then over the edge into the street below.

They hit the pavement with a wet splat as they landed on a puddle.

A second after, Faith threw Harmony off.

A second after that, Faith stood up in time to see a truck come barrelling down the street and clipped her on the hip.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Faith howled as she knocked to the ground again and the truck kept driving

From across the street, Harmony pinned him with her best pissed off look, which for her involved ridges, sharp teeth and bright yellow eyes.

"Come on babe. We can work this out." Faith said, trying to remember where they lost their stake.

Harmony growled and ran towards her when Riley intercepted her with his own tackle which threw her to the ground.

Holding her down, he tazored her in the back until she turned into an unconscious and slightly quivering mass.

With a worried look, Riley turned back to Xander and asked him "Xander, are you okay?"

Faith chuckled from where they landed, "Just great, Riley."

"I'm confused. Why did Harmony attack you?" Riley asked and then when Faith got up he said "Whoa, Xander. Are you sure you should be walking?"

"Yup. Pretty sure. Thanks, Riley. That bitch was loco."

At that, Riley looked at Xander oddly.

Xander replied to that look with a backhand that knocked Riley out cold and he landed almost strategically on Harmony.

Faith smirked, "Cute couple."

Then Faith spun around in time to catch Buffy's fist in an open palm.

Buffy blinked then threw a cross which Faith caught as well.

Then Faith squeezed Buffy's hands in her own and Buffy fell to her knees helplessly.

"No." Buffy whimpered in pain as her hands where being crushed.

"Damn!" Faith said, amazed at her own strength in Xander, "It's like I'm a guy who fights evils and spends long hours doing manual labor while you're a skinny little blonde girl who spends all day watching TV."

Buffy gritted her teeth and pushed up at Faith, pushing them off the ground. Taken by surprise, Faith let go of Buffy and landed on all fours, like a cat.

Faith smiled easily while Buffy tried to flex some feeling back into her hands.

"The offer still stands." Faith said with chuckle, "You, me, Vegas and a bundle of cash."

Buffy acts like she's thinking about it as she lines Faith up with a brick wall.

"Nah."

Then she rushed Faith, picking him up in the same manner Harmony did and pushed him and herself straight through the brick wall.

On the other side they both lolled around on the ground in a daze as the brick wall caved in after them, trapping them inside.

Faith got up sluggishly and picked Buffy up by her jacket.

"Really getting annoyed with people pushing me around." Faith told Buffy then threw her like a ragdoll into a far wall.

Plaster came off the wall in chunks where she landed.

Buffy rolled back onto her feet slowly then rushed Xander again.

This time she punched Faith in the face instead.

Faith spun backwards with the momentum then just slapped Buffy in the face when she came with a follow up blow.

Faith chuckled to herself and started monologing, "I don't know what guys are whining about. Girls are easy. Just tell them some lies about how you love them and they're putty in your hands."

Buffy looked at him confused then came back at him with a kick to the gut, followed by a one-two jab that apparently stunned Faith.

But when Buffy came in with a hook to finish him off, Faith just grabbed her hand like it was nothing.

Then Faith pulled her in and whispered in her ear "Oh and Buffy. I love you."

Buffy grunted as she pushed back and brought her knee up high between them and let her leg whip straight up to clip Faith in the jaw.

Faith let Buffy go and stumbled back, shaking her head clear.

But the dizziness only lasted a second and Faith came back hard at Buffy, punching her in the face and knocking her to the floor.

"No, really. I do love you." Faith said, struggling to keep a straight face.

From the floor, Buffy looked up at Faith with a split lip.

"It's such a relief to just come out and say it." Faith laughed and stalked towards Buffy.

Buffy backpedaled along the floor, trying to get away from Faith but Faith wasn't having any of that.

She reached down and grabbed Buffy by the ankles. Then she threw her by them to the furthest wall.

Buffy spun in the air a few times and smashed into the bare plaster wall, leaving a big Buffy shaped indentation where she hit.

Faith walked over to her and picked her up, holding her upright so they could see the look in her eyes.

"Xanner." Buffy mumbled, half delirious and coughing up plaster dust.

"You really have no idea what you do to me, do you?" Faith asked her but all Buffy did was give her a lazy glare back.

"Faith."

"Yes, Buffy." Faith asked as they held themselves against her body.

"I'm really feeling the love." Buffy said lowly.

Faith heard a low tearing sound then got smacked hard across the temple with from the lead pipe Buffy had wrenched straight out of the wall.

Faith spun around and held their head as Buffy took the opportunity to bring the pipe up and hit them in hard in the groin.

To Faith, it was like the intense thrill of sex, inverted in on itself to be the most hot, sweaty, throbbing, painful experience imaginable.

Faith squeaked out a little cry and slowly curled up into a fetal ball, moaning and wishing the world would just end.

It just wasn't worth being male if this sort of pain could be inflicted on you.

Buffy rolled Faith over and punched her in the face several times.

"Where's XANDER!?"

"I dunno." Faith cried, "Lemme alone."

Buffy straddled Faith and hissed close to her face, "If you don't tell me what you did to him I'll kill you right now."

Faith's eyes rolled back into her skull and spasmed as if she was having a fit.

Buffy backed off, "Faith?"

Gasping for breath, Faith stared at Buffy in horror, "What did you do?"

Buffy blinked in confusion then grinned, "Oh. I think I know what's going on here."

"What?" Faith asked.

Buffy pulled off the cross around her neck then held against Xander's heart, "Get out of my friend, Bitch!"

"Ugh! What the fuck1?" Faith gurgled. "You gotta be kidding. I can't be exorcised."

"Can and will!" Buffy yelled at her.

Xander's body shook and Faith cried out "Buffy, I..."

For a second, Buffy saw Faith's face superimposing Xander's. Then it was blown out of his body, only to dissipate into nothing like thin smoke.

"Buffy?" Xander moaned from underneath her.

"Xander!" Buffy gasped and got off him.

Xander rolled to his side and started throwing up masses of green goop.

Buffy just stood back and fell to her knees, glad that was over.

-----

continued in the next chapter.


	3. Never the end

-----

The Summers household, the next morning.

Xander decided to take the day off work, being tended to by Joyce and Dawn.

Xander let out a long groan as Dawn bumped into his leg.

"Ooh, sorry." She said, sorry.

He just kept groaning, "Why does this stuff keep happening to me?"

Xander was now covered in bruises and had a sizeable bandage over his temple where Buffy hit him with a pipe.

"What happened?" Anya asked him, full of concern.

Riley, Buffy and Giles were there too. Mainly in a professional yet sympathetic capacity.

"I don't have a clue." Xander moaned, "Ask Buffy."

Buffy sighed "Somehow Faith possessed Xander."

This got a gasp by almost everyone in the room except Riley, who she had talked to earlier.

"Then Faith attacked me in Xander's body." Buffy continued, "He had superstrength and everything. He was way stronger than me too. Harmony came out of nowhere and pushed Xander off a balcony. Then Xander got hit by a truck in a hit and run. Then he beat me up a little bit. Then I clobbered him across the head and then I exorcised Faith out of him and here we are."

"And did you kick me.. somewhere?" Xander asked, tilting his head towards the floor.

"Yuh." Buffy said guiltily, "And I kinda hit Xander in the private parts with a lead pipe."

Xander winced and Riley said "Buffy. There are some things you just don't do."

"He was going to kill me." Buffy argued.

"But still. There are some things." Riley countered.

Giles looked thoughtful, "That's unusual. My research has shown that the slayer essence doesn't conform to a male host well. In fact, there are several fatal examples throughout history of people attempting just that."

"That's all well and good, Giles." Buffy told him, "But what I want to know is what was that green stuff Xander threw up."

"And why was there corn in it?" Xander added, "I haven't eaten corn for at least a week."

Giles looked slightly confused, "Oh. I dear say that was ectoplasm. It's a byproduct of certain spiritual events such as channeling."

"It tasted like I channeled an old shoe." Xander grimaced.

That witty conversation was partially cut short by a knock at the front door.

Buffy mentally shut off her mind to Giles reply and opened it to find four watchers on the other side. The same four that had stayed the night in her house a few nights before.

"What do you want?" Buffy asked them.

"Buffy. Don't be rude." Joyce told her as she walked up next to her, "Please. Come in."

Kinsley smiled but said "I'm sorry. We can't stay. We have to catch a flight and we waited until the last moment to call by because we didn't want to ruin anyone sleeping in. But we also wanted to personally deliver the good news." Kinsley said with barely restrained excitement, "A new slayer has been called."

"How old is this one?" Buffy asked with a coldness Kinsley was oblivious to.

"Seventeen. Normally they aren't called so late in life but this one has a lot of potential. We were hoping she would be chosen and it seems the powers have seen things our way."

"I'm so glad for you." Buffy said, turning away.

Kinsley frowned, "I'm sorry. Perhaps this isn't the best time. I presume there was an altercation with the rogue slayer last night."

"Her name was Faith." Buffy said without looking at him.

Then she ran up the stairs to her room.

Once inside her room, she jumped on her bed and stared at the ceiling.

Murmurs of conversation filtered up through the floorboards. With her hearing she could listen in if she wanted to but she didn't care to.

Her mind was numb.

After all this time, what was Faith to her?

Why could she still hurt her like this?

As she pondered, a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Buffy." Xander said as he opened her door a crack.

Getting up, she wiped her eyes and turned away from the door, "Can you come back some other time, Xander?"

"I just..." Xander stopped talking and opened the door completely.

By the look in his eyes, Buffy realized he wasn't expecting to see her like this.

Vulnerable.

"Buffy, I, uh." Xander stammered then held out a small polariod to Buffy who took it from him.

It was a picture of Buffy and Faith together. They were laughing at the bronze. The edges of the polaroid were singed and a large brown blur ran up one side as if it had been pulled out of a fire.

"Where did you get this?" Buffy asked him.

"I had it in my jacket. Faith must of put it there."

"It's what she hid in the floorboards." Buffy said in realization.

"Huh?" Xander asked.

"It doesn't matter."

Xander turned to leave but stopped himself.

"Buffy?"

"Xander?"

"It's okay to cry for her." Xander told her with tears in his own eyes.

Buffy didn't reply so he just left.

Looking at the picture, she tried to remember where it was taken and found that she couldn't.

It was from some distant land where she and Faith were actually friends instead of enemies.

How did they get so lost?

Taking a metal bin from underneath her desk and a cigarette lighter from a drawer, Buffy lit the polaroid and dropped it in the bin.

It burnt with a spitting green and blue flame and a thick foul smelling smoke.

"Goodbye, Faith." Buffy said solemnly, watching Faith's image shrivel away, "I hope you find your way."

-----

Faith's heartbeat monitor droned flatly through the inner sanctum, begging to be silenced.

"Oh. How does this thing work?" Doc asked himself as he looked at the two electric paddles in his hands, "They make it look so easy on Passions."

He fiddled with the knobs and the paddles for the defibrillator for a bit until he produced a nice arc between the two paddles.

"Arr. Perfect." he said triumphantly and placed the paddles on Faith's chest.

Faith's body was wracked by a voltage far past the safety limit and it arched then slumped down in a thump.

Doc waited for a second, "Wait for effect."

"Beep!" her heartbeat monitor went, "Beep!"

"The doctor is in the house." Doc sputtered and did a little dance, which he would never do if anyone was watching

"The doctor is in the house. That's right. Uh-huh. Uh-huh."

------

Fin.

Come on. Everyone knows death never the end on Buffy. It's just another chance to come back and scare the crap out of everyone.

Oh, and remember. Feedback me. :)


End file.
